Self-esteem is the way we perceive and value ourselves. It’s what tells us whether we're good enough, capable, and deserving of happiness. When we have healthy self-esteem, we view ourselves in a positive light, acknowledge our strengths, and feel confident in our abilities. However, when self-esteem is low, it can lead to self-doubt, insecurity, and anxiety.
Do I have low self-esteem?
Sometimes people might not even be aware that they suffer from low self-esteem because it has become second nature to them. Here are five potential indicators of low self-esteem:
Staying in relationships or friendships where you are treated badly by the other person
Sabatoging yourself at work, settling for an unfulfilling job or constantly under earning in your salary
Neglecting self-care such as exercise, taking care of your health, or eating healthy foods
Isolating yourself and avoiding relationships and friendships
Having frequent negative thoughts about yourself (an inner critic) or putting yourself down
Where Self-esteem Originates
Self-esteem comes from our growing up years and how the people who raised us, treated us. Babies are completely dependent upon their parents for survival. They instinctively look up to and admire these giants who are able to feed them applesauce, pick them up from their crib, and soothe their cries. So if the caregivers are under-resourced and stressed, depressed, or neglectful then children know that they are in no position to reason with their parents for better care. They also cannot leave their home, divorce their parents, and support themselves with a job.
When for whatever reason, parents aren’t able to give their children the care that they need, a child will try hard to elicit care by sensing whatever it is that might please their parent whether it’s to be independent, quiet, charming, or obedient. When even this fails to work, the child has no choice but to look within themselves and think that there is something wrong or lacking in them that makes their parents treat them this way. The child then sometimes becomes an adult who believes that they are unworthy of love or bad.
The good news is that adults are no longer dependent on their parents for survival. They can take action to improve their self-esteem and self-worth. They can get a job to be independent, move to a new city, cut off a bad relationship, or go to therapy. Essentially they can now take care of themselves and give themselves the love and care that they deserved but unfortunately never received.
If you think you struggle with low self-esteem, contact me today to see how I can help.
