People pleasers are likable because they work hard at being pleasant and accommodating. If you identify with being a people pleaser, you may have become one as a reaction to how you were raised. You likely received subtle or overt messages that in order to receive your parent’s approval, you had to adjust to their expectations.
You weren’t allowed to be your authentic self because it stirred up too many intolerable emotions and anxiety for them. You couldn’t fully express your thoughts, opinions, anger, sadness or enthusiasm growing up, which caused a disconnection from your true self. So instead of connecting to your spontaneous desires and the rhythms of your natural self, you became acutely aware of what others around you needed and wanted.
Here Are 8 Signs You May Be a People Pleaser
You sense other people’s needs and desires more than your own.
You don’t speak up in groups when you hold an unpopular or contrarian opinion.
Your sense of self worth comes from being liked by others.
You avoid conflict at all costs
You tend do things out of obligation rather than a genuine desire
You try to live up to society’s or your parents’ expectations but don’t know what your own goals or values are
You don’t want to disappoint anyone so you spread yourself so thin that you can’t meet anyone’s expectations
You are preoccupied with what other people think of you
The Consequences of Being a People Pleaser
Although being a people pleaser can make you well liked, it takes a toll on you in other ways. You may be wracked with guilt if you say no to people. You say yes to things because you worry about damaging relationships or it feels like you “should” be doing it. Others may feel that they don’t know the real you. You lose yourself in relationships.
Being a people pleaser can leave you feeling exhausted, resentful, or even financially impacted from constantly trying to meet other people’s wishes. It can also keep you in unhealthy relationships out of a fear of being alone and not having a strong identity when you’re not in a relationship.
How to Recover from Being a People Pleaser
People pleasers sometimes don’t feel confident in themselves and this could be because they don’t know who they are in terms of their values, goals, and opinions. Recovering from people pleasing involves becoming more connected to yourself such as your thoughts and emotions and learning to value yourself more. Knowing yourself raises your confidence so your self-worth won’t be as dependent on factors outside of you such as how people perceive you. This will allow you to set better boundaries and to not have to sacrifice yourself in order to people please. If you’d like more information about how I can help with this, please get in contact with me today.
